Starfish and Coffee
by crocious
Summary: Canada is disgruntled at his boyfriend and his brother. Why aren't they best friends? They're both annoying, cheerful, funny and awesome. A two year old could do that math. Pairing is PruCan, but the story is mostly America and Prussia. Mild swearing.


**Hi, everyone! I had this laying around and I decided to publish it for my Triple Dog Dare vacation! Just in case you can't get enough of me, dontchaknow. Hahaha! Thank you guys so much, TDD fans are the best readers in the world! Thank you for not being too upset about my break! This is for you in gratitude!**

**Couple is PruCan, but the story's mostly America and Prussia. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how much of this is true -_-'**

**Enjoy!**

Canada was upset.

Quite upset. He had been upset before, but never this stubbornly. He was so upset that it was getting rather difficult to keep his mouth shut about it and he felt that any minute he might start to leak. (Leaking is, of course, the Canadian version of exploding.)

Canada even had a word for how upset he was. He was- get ready for this- _disgruntled._

Yes. He was disgruntled at his brother and his boyfriend, and no matter how hard they would try when he told them, there was no way he was going to let them _gruntle_ him.

This was his inner monologue as he stared at his brother across the breakfast table. America had invited himself over again and was systematically disemboweling a sandwich made of pancakes, sausage, back bacon, eggs, a waffle, syrup and, for some reason, a coffee mug. America made his silverware dance and cackled as they were pitted against one another in an epic battle to save (or kill, as the case may be) the Princess Coffee Bean.

Because that is what grown men do.

As VoldeFork stabbed the Yoda Waffle to death, America looked up at his brother and grinned happily. He caught Canada's scowl and got confused.

"Uh… Canada? Why are you making a weird face at me?"

Canada sighed and gave his best glare. "This is my disgruntled face. I am disgruntled."

America nodded sagely. Realizing that this was getting him no closer to understanding, he cocked his head and said, "What's that mean?"

Canada pushed his glasses up on his nose and tried to look intimidating. It didn't really work, but he went with it.

"Why aren't you and Prussia friends?"

America stuffed an entire pancake in his mouth in confusion. "Whaf?"

"It doesn't make sense to me," Canada continued. "You guys are practically the same person!"

"I'm gonna ignore that statement," America said, "considering how you're dating him and that would be super creepy weird."

"You know what I mean," Canada sighed. "You and Gilbert should be best friends and it's weird that you're not. You both think you're awesome-"

"AM awesome."

"-you're both really fun-"

"AWESOMELY fun."

"And you both love me."

"Ew, Matt."

"Whatever, it's true. I just don't understand why you don't like each other."

America shrugged and gulped his coffee. "I like him well enough. It's not like we fight or anything. Why does this bother you so much?"

Canada toyed with his fork and sighed.

At that moment, the kitchen window opened itself and a ball of awesome ninja skill somersaulted in. Canada smiled as the ball of awesome unfolded itself and kissed him on the forehead.

"Mornin', Sunshine," Prussia said.

"Morning, Gil."

America stood up. "Coffee?"

"Sure, thanks," Prussia said, pulling up a chair.

"How do you take it?"

"Actually," Canada said as if people bonded over such things, "he takes it like you do!"

America, with a great effort, ignored the "that's what she said" joke for his brother and he looked at Prussia. "Ton of sugar and a bit of cream?"

"Yeah! How cool is that?"

Canada was worried that Prussia didn't say "awesome."

They sat in silence for a while as America stirred the coffee and handed it to Prussia, who thanked him and gulped it.

Canada, who had never seen either America or Prussia quiet for more than twenty seconds, glared as best as a Canadian can at America. America shrugged at him and they had one of their telepathic conversations.

_What are you doing? Say something, damn it!_

_It's not easy having yourself a good time._

_Exactly! Just say something inane like you usually do! He'll pick up on it!_

_Watching out they don't four-letter._

_That's… okay. Say that._

_Smells like something I've forgotten._

_Don't say that. That's gross._

_I'm not a gangster tonight._

_Good?_

_I'm just a loner, baby._

Canada groaned and looked at Prussia, trying to convince him to talk to his brother. He tried to initiate some sort of telepathic communication.

_We talked about this yesterday. Can you please try to be friends with Alfred?_

_Greasing up those bets and betters._

_What?_

_Fuck and kiss you both at the same time._

_Not the time, Gil. _

_Curled up died and now it's rotten._

_Ew. Relax. Just say something about the weather at least?_

_Don't wanna be the bad guy._

_I know, and thank you for trying. It means a lot to me._

_And now you've gotten in my way._

Canada panicked. "What?" he said out loud.

"Hm?" Prussia said, stirring his coffee.

"What did I do?"

"Matt," America said, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm f-fine," Canada stammered. He stood up suddenly. "I'm going to go get some eggs!"

"Awesome," Prussia said, standing up. "I'll come with you."

"N-no! Stay here! Alfred, entertain him… or something. Bye!"

Canada ran suddenly out the front door and slammed it behind him. America and Prussia stared after him.

"What the hell?" they said in unison.

Prussia sat back down and nursed his coffee. "He's been acting really weird lately."

"I know, right? I wonder if he's sick."

"Hey," Prussia said. "Just out of curiosity. Are you and I star-crossed BFF soul mates?"

America laughed. "He got poetic with you, huh?"

Prussia chuckled. "It's adorable when he does that. A little creepy, but totally cute."

"Yeah, he said pretty much the same thing to me. I thought it was weird. We get along fine, right?"

"That's what I said! Then he yelled at me and pouted for an hour."

They laughed and clinked their mugs together. "More coffee?" America offered.

"Yes please, you fix it perfectly!"

America smiled and refilled their mugs. "I know I do. It's just one more thing I'm awesome at."

Prussia laughed. "By the way, how hard is it not to make "that's what she said" jokes around Matt?"

"I know!" America nearly shouted. "It's like he does it on purpose to mess with us!"

"So unfair!"

"And those moments when he just stares at you and expects you to read his mind? Does he do that with you?"

"All the time," Prussia smiled, rolling his eyes. "Most of the time I'm singing in my head, so it doesn't usually work out all that well."

"Ha! I hear that! I've had this song stuck in my head for the past two days and Matt gets mad at me whenever he tries to do the magic telepathic thingy."

"Awesome!" Prussia laughed and leaned forward. "Me too! Which one is stuck in your head?"

"It's a bit obscure," America apologized. "Have you heard "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters?"

Prussia almost dropped his coffee. "Are you shitting me right now?"

"What? It's a fun song!"

"No," Prussia said, slamming his hands on the table and standing up. "It's an awesome song! I haven't been able to get it out of my head for days!"

America stood up and slammed his hands on the table too. "You know what that means, right?"

"We're awesome!"

"So awesome!"

They laughed and high fived each other. America refilled their coffees again.

"Here's a weird question," Prussia said into his third cup. "Have you ever tried maple syrup in your coffee?"

"Huh?" America cocked his head. "People do that?"

"I guess. Matt was telling me about it. I thought it sounded weird."

America and Prussia stared at the bottle of syrup in the middle of the table.

"Yeah… that sounds totally weird…"

"And a little gross…"

"But we're gonna do it, aren't we?"

"I don't really see that we have a choice."

America laughed and drained his coffee. Prussia snickered and did the same. America took the mugs and refilled them again, leaving it black and setting the machine to make another pot.

"So how much do we use?" Prussia sounded excited.

"I dunno," America grinned. "I think we add a little and taste, then add some more if we want. We don't want to waste any coffee or syrup. Right?"

"Or half the bottle for you and half for me."

America considered this. "Yeah, that sounds better."

Prussia laughed as he squeezed the bottle into his mug until it almost over-flowed with sugary goodness. He put an equal amount in America's mug.

"Your coffee, good sir."

"Well thank you, good sir!"

They clinked their mugs gently, spilling some of the black liquid over the sides. They lifted the mugs carefully to their lips and sipped.

"UGH!" they yelled, spitting it out.

"What the hell?" Prussia said, wiping his mouth. "This tastes black!"

"Wait, I know," America coughed. "We have to stir!"

"Oh yeah!"

The two men stirred furiously, spilling everywhere. They lifted the mugs to their lips again.

"UGH!" they shouted.

"Too sweet!" cried America. "I think I just got an instant cavity!"

"More coffee!" Prussia cried.

…

Canada heard the shouting before he even got out of the car. He freaked out and ran inside, forgetting his eggs and syrup in the car, and yelled for America and Prussia to stop fighting.

When he got inside he stopped short.

Prussia and America were jumping on his couch and laughing at each other, two half full mugs of coffee on the coffee table. They were screaming at the top of their lungs something Canada had sworn he'd heard before.

"I CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER YOU SHOULD LIVE OR DIE! OH YOU'LL PROBABLY GO TO HEAVEN, PLEASE DON'T HANG YOUR HEAD AND CRY!"

"I'm back," Canada said quietly.

Prussia turned to his boyfriend and jumped higher and waved. "Hi, Matt!"

"Welcome home!"

Canada smiled slowly. His boyfriend. His brother. They were having fun together! They were being friendly! They were practically best friends!

"Alfred!" Prussia shouted. "Look what I can do!"

"NO!" shouted Canada as the smile fell from his face in alarm.

Those were the last words the coffee table ever heard before it was smashed to pieces by Prussia's back. Alfred cried out and jumped down to save his new friend, who laughed at how awesome the wood splintered.

Canada sighed and went to get the first aid kit out of the bathroom. _Way to go, goof,_ he told himself. _You wanted them to get along and now you've killed your boyfriend. Wonderful._

"Hey Matt!" called Prussia's uninjured voice. "You're out of coffee!"

_Splendid._

**Thank you for reading, panda! Review if you liked it, kay? Just to make me feel a little awesome! Lol! **

**Love and fireworks!**

**~Cro**


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